Brain dump….. As I lay here super tired thinking of all the stuff I have been through the last 3 years. I become bitter, I get mad and angry, when someone shares that thier loved one has a terminal illness or has a 0% survival rate, the last thing I truly ever wanted to hear was that miracles happen, I would smile and say thanks because society says you should be nice to those who are trying to help. But here is something I believe, it is that science happens, by the way of sciene it could be that the person lives a little longer and some might see that as a miracle but when I was in the thick of it with D to me it wasn’t a miracle it was our hard efforts and trials and drive to get him the best science out there, and to put all our eggs in one basket all the time in hopes that when we took those eggs out of the said basket and put them in another we only would loose one or two. Yes you can hope for miracles and you can believe what you want, I will not judge and I will support you no matter what. But instead of hoping for something so big that is more than likey 100% going to fail. Why not hope for smaller things? Like I hope that you get through the next few weeks. Then once those few weeks pass you move the hope to the next milestone. When you or someone you love is told thier diagnosis is terminal your whole world goes dark, you freeze, you want to get out, you want to turn the light switch back on and you want it to be 100% ok and back to ‘normal’, but you can’t do that you have to move with determination and thought out calculations so you don’t stub your toe in the dark and while moving, you have to fight with conviction and trust in the physical things you are doing. Things that are tangible. When things are bad or scary we are so scared of sitting with the uncomfortable feeling of possible death. We all at somepoint in our lives have sent or said “thoughts and prayers” while that might make the one saying it feel better or like they are helping.. when it was said to me this was my take on it; while I understood the sentiment behind it, it often felt like a blanket statement a way to get past the uncomfortable, it felt like it was said to help the sayer not me, I was a way to get out of asking how I was truly feeling. This made me uncomfortable to share the heartache and the pain with certain people as I was always met with “miracles” “thoughts and prayers”.I urge you to really try and put yourself in their shoes and ask if that is really truly what you would want to hear? Or would you want people to acknowledge the horrible shit you’ve been dealt and say something like, I am sorry you are going through this crap, I will be here to wade through it with you? Or how about just have people sit with you in the uncomfortable reality that is now your life? Or ask, I would love to know how all this is making you feel? I urge you to live each day like you have a terminal diagnosis, live like you won’t wake up the next day. You will see life differently and you will find the joy in not giving fucks what others think life is too short for walking on egg shells, you will find the joy in the sunset and sunrise like you were a child all over again.
Tldr: The saying Thoughts and Prayers can do more harm then good..
The Curvy, Topsy Turvy, Bits of my Life. 