All the things

So this cold has been kicking my ass. I have to say I would not wish this on anyone even someone who I hated with a fiery passion.

I have my son’s 8th birthday party to prep for this weekend, I have to go to work granted I have been able to work from home to save some energy, I have to raise the kids, take care of the household stuff, and … I AM EXHAUSTED!!! I had a really fucking shitty day on Tuesday I woke up and found my car had been broken into. I had to deal with the cops, call work and let them know I would be late, deal with the kids, and then try to work out my feelings about the whole damn mess. I had a few people reach out and ask if I was OK or how I was doing throughout the day. I wanted one person to reach out and ask me how I was they knew I was having a shit day. But alas they didn’t.

This week is all sorts of mucked up I don’t get to have date night with Belle due to cold, and I miss them a lot. I am feeling a gap between us maybe it is from lack of communication or something it just feels like forever since I have seen them. I am having to cancel my date with a fine lady on Friday. Saturday I am going to get so drugged up on DayQuil and Cough Meds so I can make the play with Blondie. I have missed her and we have not been able to hang out in a while so we are going to the Cabaret come hell and high water. The Sunday is the birthday party. So I am taming my weekend down to hopefully kick this cold to the curb quicker than it would normally take. Then I am going to tackle the house. I am cleaning out the garage sweeping and washing the floor to get rid of the sugar ants, and to just clean it all. Then I am going to figure out a garage sale weekend. I am going to be parking in my garage by the end of July. Then I think I want to rearrange all the furniture and try some new things.

I really want someone to come over and hold me right now I want to lay in a lap and cry, I want them not to judge me when I look like I have snot coming out of all the holes in my face, I want to be told that I am loved and wanted in this persons life. I just feel like shit and I want to be a baby.

30 Days of Pride – Days 14-15

Day 14 – Your favorite LGBT song or artist.

I have 2 Mary Lambert, and Lady Gaga I find myself able to close my eyes to their songs not all but lots and feel each note/word and how it resonates to me as a person.

Day 15 – Your favorite LGBT quote

I don’t really have one… I guess I would say “I love hearts not parts” I have heard this a few times lately and I love what it stands for because that is me. I don’t care what parts you have, I will want to get to know if you I want to get to know you regardless of the bits.

30 Days of Pride: Days 10-13

So Sorry I am was so far behind. I had a crazy weekend. But here it goes 🙂

Day 10 – What does marriage mean to you?

Marriage to me is when 2 or more people pledge that they will help and love and take care of one another for as long as they can.
Day 11 – Your favorite LGBT book (or one you’d like to read)

I just picked up Wildthorn. So I will have to tell you about it more once I read more. 🙂
Day 12 – Your favorite LGBT movie (or one you’d like to see).

I really like But I am a Cheerleader, I also really liked Brokeback Mountain, and The Kids are Alright.
Day 13 – Your favorite LGBT role model/celebrity.

Favorite celebrity – Ellen Page, adorable, smart, and stands up for great things.

 

30 Days of Pride – Day 9

Day 9 – What do you think about LGBT Pride? Is it helpful or hurtful? Encouraged or unnecessary?

I honestly don’t know how to answer. I think it is helpful and it could also be hurtful for a multitude of reasons. I encourage all to be accepting and open minded so I am all for it being Encouraged. This will be the first year I am doing the parade. I asked Belle to go with me as I don’t think I would want to share my 1st time experience with anyone else. ❤

 

30 Days of Pride – Days 7 & 8

I passed out last night before I could write my entry. Tired momma was tired.

Day 7 – How your parents took it or how you think they might take it?

Well my mom was confused, my dad was silent. But they seem to accept it as I am still there daughter and they care about me. I know my parents love Belle so that is a plus. They ask about our relationship all the time and want to make sure that Belle is doing well too.
Day 8 – What do you think the closet or being closeted means to you?

To me being in the closet or being closeted, is where you can not be yourself around everyone in your life. Being afraid of blacklash or being treated horribly for who you are. In a way I am still in the Closet about being Poly to 90% of my family. It sucks not being able to share who I am what makes me, me. To show everyone in my life that these people make me happy. That I have more people in my corner than I have ever had before.

30 Days of Pride – Day 6

Day 6 – Did you face any problems regarding religion?

Just that I was brought up Christian and in the church as a child. So I thought there was going to be a lot of fall out with family and friends that I had growing up. But really by the time I was married and had my 1st child I had already grown so much in my life and started to not worry about what people thought about my life. I had left the church when I didn’t like the way they treated people and how I saw certain things run and how corrupt it was. I had new friends and people in my life and I was beginning to start the whole I don’t have any Fucks to give you if you don’t like how I live my life, because there were people in my life you accepted me for me and all that I was about.

 

30 days of Pride – Day 5

Day 5 – Thoughts regarding inner turmoil about your sexuality; Did you have any? Did it escalate to self-injury or suicidal thoughts?

I think the inner turmoil I had was when I was trying to find the best way to come out to parents. It had been 10 years since I had come out to my sister. So I didn’t know how my mom and dad were going to handle it. I was brought up in the Christian Church and my mom and dad were very much about God and how we should be and what we should do with our lives from what the Bible told them. So I was scared, I thought they were going to disown me and I had finally come to terms with that possibility and was like I have so many other people in my life who will love me and be there for me regardless of my sexuality.

I guess also it would be when I am dating only men, people think that I am not Bi or that I am some how no longer attracted to women. Or when I am with only women that I thought of as Lesbian and I no longer want men. I tend to be smack dab in the middle of the Kinsey Scale on any given day. I wish there was a way to show that all the time. Hmm…