Poly Feels!!

I am feeling like I am not cut out for Poly.. I have these moments of self doubt and usually they go hand in hand with depression so I guess I should have guessed this was going to be a thing.

I am missing the companionship of having a primary type of person. Someone I can come home to and tell them about my day. Someone to lay next to me throughout the night I miss that the most.. I miss being able to snuggle with someone when I am feeling sad or you know when you wake up in that sleepy state just to snuggle in closer to someone or when you kiss them awake? Someone I can cry on when I need to cry. Someone who is going to be there when I need it. But then someone who will also let me do my things and give me space when I need and or want it.  I constantly feel 2nd best. Not good enough to be 1st for someone. Maybe my circle is just to narrow and clique like. I don’t know.. Dating scares me and is nerve wracking and I need to feel 100% Fuck Yes about someone in order to put my time into a relationship.

I have date night with Belle tonight. I am looking forward to seeing them, I am also feeling blah about it honestly.. We haven’t really talked since last week and today was the 1st day we said more than 1 word to each other. So I am feeling like they don’t want me around or something like that.. Blarggg stupid brain.